Poems

Dear Jacob,

My sweet, precious, tiny, perfect Jacob. I love you, my sweet angel. I waited almost four years for another baby and those who know me best know that I wanted a little girl. I may have even joked that I might cry at the ultrasound if I was told it was a boy. I cried that day. But not because I knew you were a boy. I cried because my greatest fear was confirmed. You were gone. I have never experienced such heart ache as when the doctor pointed out your still heart. The same heart that I heard beating, strong, healthy, alive, only a few weeks ago.

There’s only one word to describe losing you, and it’s a word that you wouldn’t be allowed to say. This sucks. It just plain sucks. It’s not fair. You were wanted, needed, loved. Your big brothers were so excited for you. It’s not fair that they will never have the chance in this life to play with you, fight with you, teach you, protect you. And your dad. You have the most amazing dad and it’s not fair that he won’t have the chance to wrestle with you, hold you when you’re sick, be your baseball coach, take you fishing.

Jacob, we were preparing for you to change our lives with your birth. And instead, our lives are forever changed because of your death. A part of me died with the words “I don’t have good news”. My life will never be the same.

It’s amazing how much love I have for someone that I’ve never met. I don’t know what kind of personality you have. If I have to base it off your brothers, I’d say you have quite the personality. I don’t know what you’re supposed to look like. I know I make good-looking kids so I can only imagine that you’re as handsome as your brothers and dad.

Jacob, I have a testimony of the plan of salvation, of the beauty of eternal families. I’m so grateful for that special day when I was sealed to your dad and brothers, and because of that day you were born into the covenant. I know that you are forever mine. But I’m not good at being patient. I don’t want to wait until “someday” to be able to see you, hold you, love you, raise you. I want you now. You are my best reason for learning patience.

My patriarchal blessing talks about a sorrow and that I will have “an understanding of the purpose and need of that sorrow and become stronger from it”. I don’t understand this. This wasn’t suppose to happen to me, to my family. Jacob, please help me, help your mom to understand.

Jacob, please stay close to me, to your dad, to your brothers. Please let us feel your spirit. Please be in our home often. We need you.

A mom should never have to say goodbye to your baby, her child. So I won’t. I will say that I’m sorry, I miss you. And I love you. I love you, baby of mine.

Angel Unaware

Oh the longing we both had

to be a mommy and a dad

We put our hopes and dreams in you

He hoped for pink, I dreamed of blue

 

But for you God had a different plan

One we may never understand

We were visited by an angel

Though we didn’t know it then

 

You were the answer to our prayer…

Our Angel Unaware

 

We barely got to say hello

Before we had to let you go

God breathed your name and called you home

So briefly here, so quickly gone

 

But in the stillness of the night

My empty arms still hold you tight

We were visited by an angel

Though we didn’t know it then

 

You were the answer to our prayer…

Our Angel Unaware

 

In my mind I see you running

Chasing bees and butterflies

Soft hair gently blowing

Healthy cheeks, laughing eyes

 

In the quietness of the morning

When the mist hangs in the air

I hold you close within my heart…

My Angel Unaware

 

How can I miss someone so much

I barely had the chance to touch

Yet as you grew inside of me

I learned how strong a love could be

 

I knew you for a lifetime

I’ll love you all of mine

We were visited by an angel

Though we didn’t know it then

 

You were the answer to our prayer…

Our Angel Unaware

– Author Unknown

I’ll Lend You

“I’ll lend for you a little time,

a child of mine”, He said.

For you to love the while he lives,

and mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

or twenty-two or three.

But will you ’til I call him back,

take care of him for me?

 

He’ll bring his charm to gladden you,

and should his stay be brief,

You’ll have his lovely memories

as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there,

I want this child to learn.

 

I’ve looked this wide world over,

in my search for teachers true,

And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,

I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,

not think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call,

and take him back again?

 

I fancied that I heard them say,

“Dear Lord, Thy will be done”.

For all the joy thy child shall bring,

the risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness,

we’ll love him while we may,

For all the happiness we’ve known

forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him

much sooner than we planned,

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes,

and try to understand.

–  Author Unknown

Because of You

Because of you, I love a little more.

Because of you, I take time

to give an extra kiss good-bye.

Because of you, I have a new favorite song.

Because of you, there may be dust

on the window sill,

and I don’t care.

 

Because of you, I live today,

Before I worry about tomorrow.

Because of you, I don’t give up quite as fast.

Because of you, I still believe in rainbows.

Because of you, now I can help or listen more.

Because of you, today, I am me.

-Eileen Wernsman, Loving Arms Newsletter

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway

and memories were a lane

I could walk right up to Heaven

and bring you home again.

 

No farewell words were spoken

no time to say good-bye

you were gone before I knew it

and only God knows why.

 

My heart’s still active in sadness

and secret tears still flow

what it meant to lose you

no one can ever know.

 

But now I know you want us

to mourn for you no more

to remember all the happy times

life still has much in store

 

Since you’ll never be forgotten

I pledge to you today

a hallowed place within my heart

is where you’ll always stay.

–  Author Unknown

Quilting ~ Grieving…

Taking time to piece together

jagged parts and various patterns

to make a whole…

 

The quilt…

With time, work and patience

is ready for its new life’s work…

 

In grief…

Intense pain is worked through

as we carve a “new” life pathway

 

Quilting ~ Grieving…

Both require skills, energy, focus,

commitment and time…

– Marcia McGinnis

In the Garden

I woke this Easter morn

to find your stone

still in place

It had not been rolled away-

no joyful resurrection for us yet,

my sweet one.

Still, I felt the stone

upon my heart

did shift a bit,

enough to let His Light shine in

and warm

my winter soul.

– Karen Nelson

My Dad is a Survivor

My dad is a survivor too…

which is no surprise to me.

 

He’s always been like a lighthouse

that helps you cross a stormy sea.

 

But, I walk with my dad each day

to lift him when he’s down.

 

I wipe the tears he hides from others.

He cries when no one’s around.

 

I watch him sit up late at night,

with my picture in his hand.

 

He cries as he tries to grieve alone,

and wishes he could understand.

 

My dad is like a tower of strength.

He’s the greatest of them all~!

 

But there’s times when he needs to cry…

Please be there when he falls.

 

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder…

and tell him it’s okay.

 

Be his strength when he’s sad,

Help him mourn in his own way.

 

Now, as I watch over my precious dad

from the Heaven’s up above…

 

I’m so proud that he’s a survivor…

And, I can still feel his love~!

– Author Unknown

I Resolve . . .

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

The ache of my empty arms has given way to quiet resignation.

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

I think of my children and smile;

I feel them hovering close and near.

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

I know I will never forget them;

I forgive those whose memories of them are not so apparent to me;

I choose this because my children’s existence does not depend on others.

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

To be more caring, more compassionate, more tolerant, more understanding;

I want to follow the path my life has taken and still make a difference in others’ lives;

No other person can walk my path, feel my pain or choose not to despair;

No other person can make me a better person, only I can do so.

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

I thank God for my husband, my family, my friends and my children;

I thank God for the love I feel for each and every one of them.

I thank God for the strangers who enter my life with lessons for me to learn;

I thank God for new insights and memories that do not fade;

I thank God for peace to the internal turmoil I have felt.

I choose to give thanks for all that I have, rather than despair over all that I have lost. . .

I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .

– Sue Friedeck

Little one, Little one

Little one, little one

Where have you gone?

Your going has darkened

The brightest dawn.

Why did you leave us

so soon, so soon?

Where can we look for you?

Over the moon?

On butterflies wings?

In the heart of a roe?

Who knows,

who knows

Where a little one goes?

Where I have gone,

I am not so small.

My soul is as wide.

As the world is tall.

 

Wherever you look,

You will find me there-

 

In the heart of a rose,

In the heart of a prayer.

On butterflies wings,

On wings of my own,

 

To you, I’m gone,

But I’m never alone-

I’m over the moon.

I am home.

– Jim Howard

An Angel never dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave

I’ve loved you from the start.

 

Although my body you can’t hold

It doesn’t mean I’m gone

This world was worthy, not of me

God chose that I move on.

 

I know the pain that drowns your soul

What you are forced to face

You have my word I’ll fill your arms

Someday we will embrace.

 

You’ll hear that it was “meant to be,

God doesn’t make mistakes”

But that won’t soften your worst blow

Or make your heart not ache.

 

I’m watching over all you do

Another child you’ll bear

Believe me when I say to you

That I am always there.

 

 

There’ll come a time, I promise you

When you will hold my hand

Stroke my face and kiss my lips

And then you’ll understand.

 

Although I’ve never breathed your air

Or gazed into your eyes

That doesn’t mean I never was

 

An Angel Never Dies.

– Author Unknown

Beginnings

A new baby is on the way.

Not just any baby.

It is your little brother or sister.

A part of you.

I am so afraid,

And Excited

And angry

And sad.

Afraid of being hurt again.

Excited that I will have another Child,

To give my love to

Angry that you are gone

And sad,

Every moment wishing you were here

with us.

All of these emotions

Sometimes make me feel crazy.

But I know I am not.

I am just a grieving mother.

Missing what should have been.

– Joanne Cacciatore, 1998

Dreams of Nightmares

What others take for granted

has been denied to me.

My innocence has been shattered,

my dreams have been taken away.

 

When others become heavy with child,

They smile, they plan, they dream, they glow.

When I become aware of life within,

I panic, I cry, I wait in fear.

For the pain to start and the life to fade

Away….

 

While others dream of pink or blue,

My nightmares are painted in red and black.

I talk only in whispers of

Ultrasounds, tests, and shots.

Praying and hoping that my baby will not die.

-Teresa C., March 1999

 

 

If you have a poem or story you would like to share about your precious angel, please email them to [email protected]