Poems
My sweet, precious, tiny, perfect Jacob. I love you, my sweet angel. I waited almost four years for another baby and those who know me best know that I wanted a little girl. I may have even joked that I might cry at the ultrasound if I was told it was a boy. I cried that day. But not because I knew you were a boy. I cried because my greatest fear was confirmed. You were gone. I have never experienced such heart ache as when the doctor pointed out your still heart. The same heart that I heard beating, strong, healthy, alive, only a few weeks ago.
There’s only one word to describe losing you, and it’s a word that you wouldn’t be allowed to say. This sucks. It just plain sucks. It’s not fair. You were wanted, needed, loved. Your big brothers were so excited for you. It’s not fair that they will never have the chance in this life to play with you, fight with you, teach you, protect you. And your dad. You have the most amazing dad and it’s not fair that he won’t have the chance to wrestle with you, hold you when you’re sick, be your baseball coach, take you fishing.
Jacob, we were preparing for you to change our lives with your birth. And instead, our lives are forever changed because of your death. A part of me died with the words “I don’t have good news”. My life will never be the same.
It’s amazing how much love I have for someone that I’ve never met. I don’t know what kind of personality you have. If I have to base it off your brothers, I’d say you have quite the personality. I don’t know what you’re supposed to look like. I know I make good-looking kids so I can only imagine that you’re as handsome as your brothers and dad.
Jacob, I have a testimony of the plan of salvation, of the beauty of eternal families. I’m so grateful for that special day when I was sealed to your dad and brothers, and because of that day you were born into the covenant. I know that you are forever mine. But I’m not good at being patient. I don’t want to wait until “someday” to be able to see you, hold you, love you, raise you. I want you now. You are my best reason for learning patience.
My patriarchal blessing talks about a sorrow and that I will have “an understanding of the purpose and need of that sorrow and become stronger from it”. I don’t understand this. This wasn’t suppose to happen to me, to my family. Jacob, please help me, help your mom to understand.
Jacob, please stay close to me, to your dad, to your brothers. Please let us feel your spirit. Please be in our home often. We need you.
A mom should never have to say goodbye to your baby, her child. So I won’t. I will say that I’m sorry, I miss you. And I love you. I love you, baby of mine.
Angel Unaware
Oh the longing we both had
to be a mommy and a dad
We put our hopes and dreams in you
He hoped for pink, I dreamed of blue
But for you God had a different plan
One we may never understand
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn’t know it then
You were the answer to our prayer…
Our Angel Unaware
We barely got to say hello
Before we had to let you go
God breathed your name and called you home
So briefly here, so quickly gone
But in the stillness of the night
My empty arms still hold you tight
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn’t know it then
You were the answer to our prayer…
Our Angel Unaware
In my mind I see you running
Chasing bees and butterflies
Soft hair gently blowing
Healthy cheeks, laughing eyes
In the quietness of the morning
When the mist hangs in the air
I hold you close within my heart…
My Angel Unaware
How can I miss someone so much
I barely had the chance to touch
Yet as you grew inside of me
I learned how strong a love could be
I knew you for a lifetime
I’ll love you all of mine
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn’t know it then
You were the answer to our prayer…
Our Angel Unaware
– Author Unknown
I’ll Lend You
“I’ll lend for you a little time,
a child of mine”, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years,
or twenty-two or three.
But will you ’til I call him back,
take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charm to gladden you,
and should his stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked this wide world over,
in my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
not think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call,
and take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done”.
For all the joy thy child shall bring,
the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
we’ll love him while we may,
For all the happiness we’ve known
forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
much sooner than we planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand.
– Author Unknown
Because of You
Because of you, I love a little more.
Because of you, I take time
to give an extra kiss good-bye.
Because of you, I have a new favorite song.
Because of you, there may be dust
on the window sill,
and I don’t care.
Because of you, I live today,
Before I worry about tomorrow.
Because of you, I don’t give up quite as fast.
Because of you, I still believe in rainbows.
Because of you, now I can help or listen more.
Because of you, today, I am me.
-Eileen Wernsman, Loving Arms Newsletter
If Tears Could Build A Stairway
If tears could build a stairway
and memories were a lane
I could walk right up to Heaven
and bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say good-bye
you were gone before I knew it
and only God knows why.
My heart’s still active in sadness
and secret tears still flow
what it meant to lose you
no one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
to mourn for you no more
to remember all the happy times
life still has much in store
Since you’ll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
a hallowed place within my heart
is where you’ll always stay.
– Author Unknown
Quilting ~ Grieving…
Taking time to piece together
jagged parts and various patterns
to make a whole…
The quilt…
With time, work and patience
is ready for its new life’s work…
In grief…
Intense pain is worked through
as we carve a “new” life pathway
Quilting ~ Grieving…
Both require skills, energy, focus,
commitment and time…
– Marcia McGinnis
In the Garden
I woke this Easter morn
to find your stone
still in place
It had not been rolled away-
no joyful resurrection for us yet,
my sweet one.
Still, I felt the stone
upon my heart
did shift a bit,
enough to let His Light shine in
and warm
my winter soul.
– Karen Nelson
My Dad is a Survivor
My dad is a survivor too…
which is no surprise to me.
He’s always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.
But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he’s down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when no one’s around.
I watch him sit up late at night,
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.
My dad is like a tower of strength.
He’s the greatest of them all~!
But there’s times when he needs to cry…
Please be there when he falls.
Hold his hand or pat his shoulder…
and tell him it’s okay.
Be his strength when he’s sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.
Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heaven’s up above…
I’m so proud that he’s a survivor…
And, I can still feel his love~!
– Author Unknown
I Resolve . . .
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
The ache of my empty arms has given way to quiet resignation.
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
I think of my children and smile;
I feel them hovering close and near.
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
I know I will never forget them;
I forgive those whose memories of them are not so apparent to me;
I choose this because my children’s existence does not depend on others.
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
To be more caring, more compassionate, more tolerant, more understanding;
I want to follow the path my life has taken and still make a difference in others’ lives;
No other person can walk my path, feel my pain or choose not to despair;
No other person can make me a better person, only I can do so.
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
I thank God for my husband, my family, my friends and my children;
I thank God for the love I feel for each and every one of them.
I thank God for the strangers who enter my life with lessons for me to learn;
I thank God for new insights and memories that do not fade;
I thank God for peace to the internal turmoil I have felt.
I choose to give thanks for all that I have, rather than despair over all that I have lost. . .
I resolve to be better in this coming year. . .
– Sue Friedeck
Little one, Little one
Little one, little one
Where have you gone?
Your going has darkened
The brightest dawn.
Why did you leave us
so soon, so soon?
Where can we look for you?
Over the moon?
On butterflies wings?
In the heart of a roe?
Who knows,
who knows
Where a little one goes?
Where I have gone,
I am not so small.
My soul is as wide.
As the world is tall.
Wherever you look,
You will find me there-
In the heart of a rose,
In the heart of a prayer.
On butterflies wings,
On wings of my own,
To you, I’m gone,
But I’m never alone-
I’m over the moon.
I am home.
– Jim Howard
An Angel never dies
Don’t let them say I wasn’t born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul
What you are forced to face
You have my word I’ll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was “meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes”
But that won’t soften your worst blow
Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you
That I am always there.
There’ll come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was
An Angel Never Dies.
– Author Unknown
Beginnings
A new baby is on the way.
Not just any baby.
It is your little brother or sister.
A part of you.
I am so afraid,
And Excited
And angry
And sad.
Afraid of being hurt again.
Excited that I will have another Child,
To give my love to
Angry that you are gone
And sad,
Every moment wishing you were here
with us.
All of these emotions
Sometimes make me feel crazy.
But I know I am not.
I am just a grieving mother.
Missing what should have been.
– Joanne Cacciatore, 1998
Dreams of Nightmares What others take for granted has been denied to me. My innocence has been shattered, my dreams have been taken away. When others become heavy with child, They smile, they plan, they dream, they glow. When I become aware of life within, I panic, I cry, I wait in fear. For the pain to start and the life to fade Away…. While others dream of pink or blue, My nightmares are painted in red and black. I talk only in whispers of Ultrasounds, tests, and shots. Praying and hoping that my baby will not die. -Teresa C., March 1999
If you have a poem or story you would like to share about your precious angel, please email them to [email protected].